Hi Gang,
I’m not sure why
this topic makes me laugh, but it does.
I love the idea of “smart” insults.
When someone really irritates me or when my brothers and I get together,
we enjoy verbal sparring. I’m not a fan
of vulgarities, I don’t like swearing, and I enjoy leaving people scratching
their heads wondering if they’ve just been insulted. I’ve collected several erudite insults from
famous people to give you a few examples.
Check these out:
A
member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows
or of some unspeakable disease."· "That depends, Sir," said
Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."·
"He
had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr·
"He
has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -Winston
Churchill· "
I
have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure." Clarence Darrow·
"He
has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).·
"Thank
you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas·
"I
didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of
it." - Mark Twain·
"He
has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar
Wilde·
"I
am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if
you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston
Churchill·"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if
there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.·
"I
feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -Stephen
Bishop·
"He
is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright·
"I've
just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -Irvin
S. Cobb·
"He
is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -Samuel
Johnson·
"He
is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating·
"In
order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -Charles,
Count Talleyrand·
"He
loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker·
"Why
do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain·
"His
mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West·
"Some
cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -Oscar Wilde·
"He
uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than
illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)·
"He
has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder·
"I've
had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
– Groucho
For
this week’s blog, you need to share at least three “smart” insults. They can be your own creations, or something
you have found from another source. If
they are from another source, be sure you credit the source, as done
above.
The
rules:
- You must
have three separate insults
- You must
credit the source – if, like many above, you can share who the insult was
intended for too, please do
- You must use
language appropriate for MY 90-year old grandmother (no vulgarities!)
- You must
spell check and grammar check your post
- You must
sign your post
Have fun with this!
Ms. Mott
1. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
ReplyDelete2. You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
3. Do you want to lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.
4. You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
5. I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.
6. I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my butt.
~Rachel Grausgruber
http://www.gotlines.com/insults/
DeleteThe first one is hilarious!
DeleteRachel, your insults are truly amazing! You are so cute, remind me never make you mad!
Delete~Katrina Lester
1. Please tell me you don’t home school your kids.
ReplyDelete2. You act like your arrogance is a virtue.
3. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I’ve wanted to cut it down.
4. I hear the only place your are ever invited is outside
5. When anorexics see you, they think they need to go on a diet.
Jonathan Hafele
http://www.gotlines.com/insults/
Deletehahah these are funny! most of them even sound like something you would say (lol)
DeleteJon, I really like your insults. The one I liked the most was the “Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I’ve wanted to cut it down”. So good job and good insults.
Delete- Dan Koch
1.) “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go” Oscar Wilde
ReplyDelete2.) “He has the attention span of a lightning bolt” Robert Redford
3.) “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here” Stephen Bishop
4.) "I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along." - Groucho Marx
5.) Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.
6.) Well I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
-Jen D.
http://www.gotlines.com/insults/
DeleteJen, your insults are really funny. My favorite was insult number three. It's defiantly something our dad's would say, thanks for a good laugh.
DeleteCheyenne Crisell
1.)I have always wondered why people bang their heads against brick walls..... then I met you.
ReplyDelete2.)Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege
3.)I am not anti-social..I just don't like you
4.)If you ran 1,000,000 miles to see the boy/girl of your dreams, what would you say when you got there? Wow, you looked a lot hotter from a distance!
5.)When you were born you were so ugly that instead of slapping you, the doctor slapped your mom!
6.)Sorry I can't think of an insult stupid enough for you.
~Cierra Spry
http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/random/articles/117802/title/funny-insults-must-read
Delete~Cierra Spry.
1.Your As useless as a screen door on a submarine.
ReplyDelete2.Does your husband play? (male sports)
3.your as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
Dawson
Dawson, these are pretty good insults. They made me laugh a little. I like the one that says "your as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle". -Nik Spencer
Delete" You do realize makeup isn't going to fix your stupidity? "
ReplyDelete" If butt holes could fly, this place would be an airport! "
" I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative. "
" Being around you is like having a cancer of the soul. "
" You're as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle. "
" Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down. "
Dan Babcock
http://www.gotlines.com/insults/
Dan you these are very funny insults the made me laugh. I see you got some of them from the same webite as me they were very funny good job bud.
Delete-Shawn Merrill
1.Your so fat the Earth tilts.
ReplyDelete2.You have so many gaps in your teeth, it looks like your tongue is in jail.
3.You've got the perfect weapon against muggers. Your face.
4.If I throw a stick, will you go away?
5.If brains were rain, you'd be a desert
6.You are such a wise guy I bet you could sit on a carton of ice cream and tell what flavor it is.
All the insults came from http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/index/jokelist/id/4/page/10
Jon Lee
Jon I like your insults. They are very funny like you say that you have so many gaps in your teeth that your tongue is in jail.
DeleteKenny Cornwell
I think I know who your talking about when your talking about the gap in the teeth but I wont say any names. And your insults are all funny and original I like them all. Cole Griswold
DeleteJon, I like your insults. The insult "Your so fat the earth tilts" reminds me of someone in my family, so that one would be my favorite. Keep up the good work Jon.
DeleteJeremy Bevis
1."You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen."
ReplyDelete2."If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless."
3."Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone."
4."I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative."
5."You are so old, you fart dust."
http://www.gotlines.com/insults/
-Shawn Merrill
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhat happens if you don't sign your post??
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete1.I don't approve of political jokes; I have seen too many of them get elected.—Jon Stewart
ReplyDelete2.The problem with most women is that they get all excited about nothing, then marry him.—Cher
3.She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin.—Will Rogers
4.If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.—Catherine the Great
5.A fool and his money are soon elected.—Will Rogers
http://www.thehypertexts.com/Famous%20Insults%20Comebacks%20Rejoinders%20Repartee.htm
-Kaitlyn Wingerter
1) You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
ReplyDelete2)You do realize makeup isn't going to fix your stupidity?
3)Don't feel sad, don't feel blue, Frankenstein was ugly too.
4)Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
Work Cited:
http://www.gotlines.com/insults/
-Natalia Bielecki
You grow on people, but so does cancer.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others.
Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.
- Tiffany Scott
http://www.tensionnot.com/jokes/one_liner_jokes/sarcastic_quotes
1. You took a picture in black and white? You must be a professional photographer.
ReplyDelete2. Your butt must be jealous of all the crap that comes out of your mouth.
3. I'm busy now, can I ignore you some other time?
Works Cited: http://www.tensionnot.com/jokes/one_liner_jokes/sarcastic_quotes
-Jason Lobdell
Jason,
DeleteNice job with your insults. You did a good job picking out some good ones. My favorite one is the first one, it's pretty funny. Keep up the good work.
-Natalia Bielecki
Jason, I enjoyed reading your insults. All the insults were hilarious and not to mean. I especially liked #2 it mad me laugh. Great job!
Delete~Matt Mills
1.) "You are as worthless as tits on a boar pig."
ReplyDelete2.) "You speak an infinite amount of nothing." William Shakespeare
3.) "We have been through so much together, and it is all your fault." Ashleigh Brilliant
4.) "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork" Mae West
5.) "I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at see with no other provisions at sight." Mark Twain
-Gary Fineout
Gary,
DeleteAll of your insults were pretty good and sounded clever! Also good job stating who quoted them, not everyone did that! My favorite one out of yours is the 3rd one! It's hilarious! Great job this week!
-Bridget Smith
1) people like you are the reason we have middle fingers
ReplyDelete2) why you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma
3) I may be fat but i can exercise you cant fix stupid
4) calling you an idiot would be a insult to the stupid people
5) are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
-http://www.coolnsmart.com/insult_quotes/
-Marcus R. shaver
1. People like you are the reason we have middle fingers.
Delete2. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma?
3. I may be fat, but I can exercise you can't fix stupid.
4. Calln you an idiot would be an insult to the stupid people.
5. Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?
-http://www.coolsmart.com/insult_quotes/
-Marcus R. Shaver
Marcus,
DeleteYour insults were really funny. I really enjoyed your second insult the most. As I read your insults a couple different people came to mind. you did a really good job with this blog! keep up the good work!
~Raven Pietrowski~
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete1. “I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.”
ReplyDelete- http://sigmundcarlandalfred.wordpress.com/2006/10/05/the-sca-library-of-insults/
2. “I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.”
- http://sigmundcarlandalfred.wordpress.com/2006/10/05/the-sca-library-of-insults/
3. “I can’t believe out of 100,000 sperm you were the quickest” -Steven Pearl
4. “Brains aren’t everything, in fact in your case they’re nothing.”
- http://sigmundcarlandalfred.wordpress.com/2006/10/05/the-sca-library-of-insults/
5. “I don’t know what makes you so dumb, but it really works!”
- http://sigmundcarlandalfred.wordpress.com/2006/10/05/the-sca-library-of-insults/
~Matt Mills
Matt, I enjoyed reading your insults that you used. They made me laugh for sure. They were very amusing and they are just hurtful enough to be funny. I like the one about the 100,000 sperm it was hilarious.
Delete-Jason Lobdell
1. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a letter saying I approve it." - Mark Twain
ReplyDelete2. "Theres nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." - Jack E. Leonard
3. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
4. "Somewhere deep down inside there's a good man in there, we just can't find them." -Eminem
5. "He can compress most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." -Abraham Lincoln
-Bridget Smith
~You do realize make-up is not going to fix your stupidity don't you?
ReplyDelete~Come again when you can't stay quite so long.
~You're as useless as a screen door on a submarine.
~Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
~The best part of you is still running down your old mans leg.
~Learn from your parents mistakes - USE CONDOMS!
~Maybe if you ate some make-up you'd be pretty on the inside.
Cheyenne Crisell
http://www.gotlines.com/insults/
1.) Why don't you slip into something more comfortable -- like a coma.
ReplyDelete2.)Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.
3.)I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
4.)Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
5.)You’re so fake, Barbie is jealous.
6.)He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
Work Cited
http://www.edto.net/insult_humor.htm
http://www.tensionnot.com/jokes/one_liner_jokes/sarcastic_quotes
http://www.gotlines.com/insults/
Katrina Lester
Katrina,
DeleteYou did an excellent job on the blog for this week. The insults that you chose were funny and are good insults to use if someone gets you mad. I like the fourth one! Keep up the great work!
~Rachel Grausgruber
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete1.When your mom dropped you off at the school, she got a ticket for littering.
ReplyDelete2.If you’re gonna be two faced.. At least try to make one pretty.
- Marilyn Monroe
3.I never believed Charles Darwin’s theory that we are descendants of apes. Not until I saw your Facebook picture.
4. O’ you remind me of my Chinese friend …Ug Lee
5. I’m sorry, I don’t speak idiot.
6. Can I borrow your face for Halloween?
http://www.coolnsmart.com/insult_quotes
-Haley Linkroum
Haley, I like your insults. My favorite one is the one about the Chinese friend. That one made me laugh. But they are all really good insults. Nice job and keep up the good work!
Delete-Kaitlyn Wingerter
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete1.) Excuse me but can I borrow your face? My a$$ went on vacation.
ReplyDelete2.) You smell that? That's bulls**t.
3.) That's not a face even a mother can love.
4.) I'd slap you but that's animal abuse.
5.) When I am drunk, you'll look a lot better :)
6.)Why do you wear a bra? You have nothing to put in it.... You wear pants don't you?
What happens if you don't sign your blog?
Delete1.) Excuse me but can I borrow your face? My a$$ went on vacation.
Delete2.) You smell that? That's bulls**t.
3.) That's not a face even a mother can love.
4.) I'd slap you but that's animal abuse.
5.) When I am drunk, you'll look a lot better :)
6.)Why do you wear a bra? You have nothing to put in it.... You wear pants don't you?
~ David McKee
David I find these insults very funny especially the ones that says; "I'd slap you but that animal abuse" and "that's not a face even a mother could love. Good job.
DeletePatrick Brown
David I thought that all of your insults pretty funny. I think that I'm going to use on sometime. They made me laugh pretty hard.
Delete-Dan Babcock
1) Don’t let you mind wander – it’s far too small to be let out on its own.
ReplyDelete2) Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It’ll only take 10 seconds.
3) Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?
-http://www.fanpop.com
-Nikolas Spencer
1. "I wish we were better strangers"
ReplyDelete2. "I'm not your type, I'm not inflatable"
3. "I'll always cherish the original misconception I had about you"
4. "I see you're still working on your random intelligence"
5. "It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor
6. "Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.
http://silentreed.hubpages.com/hub/25-quotes-on-the-last-word
~Brandon P. Jones
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteBrandon,
DeleteGood job on this week blog post. My favorite one was the plastic surgeon one. Keep up the good work!
-Haley Linkroum
1. Sorry, honey. Sarcasm falls from my mouth as easily as stupidity falls from yours...
ReplyDelete2. If people stand close enough to you, they must be able to hear the ocean.
3. You must have a very large brain to hold so much ignorance.
4. Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing.
5. If you ever had a bright idea, it would be beginner's luck!
6.People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
Work Cited:
http://www.searchquotes.com/search/Sarcastic_Insults/
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/insults-and-comebacks.html
~Raven Pietrowski~
I liked your insults I found them funny and unlike a couple I have read yours where different and I enjoyed reading them and laughing good job. - Marcus shaver
DeleteA wise man is superior to any insults which can be put upon him, and the best reply to unseemly behavior is patience and moderation. Moliere quotes
ReplyDeleteThere are two insults no human being will endure: that he has no sense of humor, and that he has never known trouble. Sinclair Lewis quotes
But I have to say, probably when I'm about 30 I'll be pretty, not settled, but happy with what I've accomplished so far. I'm happy where I am now. Amy Smart quotes
Kenny Cornwell
1.) Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!
ReplyDelete2.) As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
3.) At least there's one thing good about your body. It isn't as ugly as your face!
4.) Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
5.) If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents!
6.) Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?
7.) He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.
8.) He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
9.) He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.
10.) He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
11.) How much refund do you expect on your head now that it's empty?
12.) Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?
13.) Do you practice being this ugly?
14.) I can't seem to remember your name, and please don't help me!
15.) I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?
Link: http://www.tensionnot.com/jokes/one_liner_jokes/really_mean_insults
~Jeremy Bevis~
Nice Bevis they made me laugh they were hilarious. My question is who has said these to you? Or have you said these to people?
Delete"I'd slap you but that would be animal abuse."
ReplyDelete"Insult: You Failed! Comeback: Yeah, so did your mom's abortion."
"Some babies were dropped on their heads but you were clearly thrown at a wall."
"Oh, I'm with a whore too, and by the way your Mom says hi." :)
"You're so ugly, when you were born your mom said "What a treasure" and your dad said "Yea lets go bury it"!
"Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!"
"You're the best at all you do - and all you do is make people" hate you.
Work cited:
http://www.funny-insults.com/top-100/
~Shania Schaub
Your insults were really funny. Good job with your blog this week! ~ Tiffany Scott
Delete1) You stare at frozen juice cans because they say, "concentrate".
ReplyDelete2) You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.
3) Come again when you can't stay quite so long.
4) You are so stupid, you'd trip over a cordless phone.
5) Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand.
http://www.gotlines.com/insults/
~Rachel Marie Reynolds~
1 calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people
ReplyDelete2 don’t get down on yourself a lot of people have no talent
3 your as worthless as tits on a male pig
4 the gap in your teeth are so big I couldnt jump it with my dirt bike
5 your not even half the man your mother is
Cole Griswold
Cole, I liked your insults. They fit you very well! Especially the gapped tooth one and the tits on a pig lol! Very well put, and nice way to express your inner self.
Delete~David Mckee
Cole,
DeleteI think you did a great job on this blog! I can tell you came up with these on your own, which is great, because i can barley find any on the internet that I liked, it also let you express yourself. Awesome Job, keep it up.
~ Brittany Macumber
1.) Shock me, say something intelligent.
ReplyDelete2.) Learn from your parents’ mistakes- use birth control.
3.) You are so old, even your memory is in black and white.
4.) Come again when you can’t stay so long
5.) It’s better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
6.) You are so stupid, you’d trip over a cordless phone.
Patrick Brown
1. You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
ReplyDelete2. Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.
3. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
4. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
5. You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
- Dan Koch
Danny Koch you had some funny ones. The one I like is that " You are proof that god has a sense of humor". Thats funny stuff right there
DeleteJon Lee
Dan, i like your insults. I like the one about your mother is more of a man then me the most. Good job Dan.
ReplyDelete-Jonathan Hafele
Jonathan Hafele,
ReplyDeleteI really like your insults. I like the one that says "please tell me that you don't home school your kids.
Great Job Jon.
~RachelMarieReynolds~
Beavis i like your last insult about kicking your teeth down your throat but it would inprove your looks. I thought that was the best insult on here. Good job beavis
ReplyDeleteCurtis dagati